The Relationship Red Flags You Didn't Even Know You Had!
Do you remember that song "I'm my own worst enemy?" Well often in dating, it holds true. Sometimes we just can't seem to get out of our own way. 🤷♀️
Yes, Hi, We Are The Problem.
But the best thing about being the problem, is that we are also the solution! Here are the ways you are your own relationship red flag based on your zodiac. Oh and don't forget to peruse your partner's too, it might bring a little bit of clarity to some of your relationship's road blocks and how to navigate them.
Nobody's perfect. We aren't meant to be! We all come here with certain aspects we want to work out, gifts we want to use, obstacles we want to overcome. If we follow the wheel of karma, in fact we are supposed to take a turn in every sign of the zodiac.
Meaning no shade to any single sign, we all have stuff we are supposed to work out.
Hopefully this little guide will help you understand where in your life and relationships you might be holding yourself back. That way you can overcome those challenges and fly free and happy in your sun sign. Here are each signs "big three" red flags and the ways they can transform those challenges into triumphs.
Click to Scroll To Your Sign:
🚩Tactless
🚩Self Centered
🚩Reactive
🏁 Assertive
🏁Independent
🏁 Intense
Aries:
If you are an Aries you know it. Not only do you know it but probably everyone else in the room does too. The first sign of the Zodiac, a born leader and fiery to the core, Aries are incredible solo adventurers. Relationships can be a bit of a struggle for someone so independently minded, as charting your own course can be tough when you have someone else's feelings to consider.
The Work
The word "tact" is often not even in the Aries vocabulary. They are quick to tell people(especially their partners) what they think and how they feel. They are the friend to tell you the dress doesn't fit well. The partner to tell you to do your share of the housework.
Not one to shy from conflict sometimes they can be a little too harsh or direct in their delivery.
They can also be quick to react or fire off in general, if something doesn't please them. Basically, they are intense. But they are supposed to be! They are the great initiatiors, the first of the Zodiac, the bringer of change and creation. That means they need a little fire.
They just have to be sure to direct all that beautiful intensity in the right direction, towards their passions and pursuits, not people. As the leader they can tend towards tunnel vision of their goals, they aren't selfish, they just don't always see others needs(yes there is an energetic difference.) Yet that high level of independence is something of great value in partnershp, they just have to learn to tweak their vision to include their partner's on their path to glory.
Tip* If they can come around to the idea that the relationship is a cause worth fighting for, it will gain their attention and endless dedication.
🚩Comfot Zone Cruiser
🚩Stubborn
🚩Status Quo Settler
🏁 Home Creator
🏁Boundaries Master
🏁Stable
Taurus:
Taurus is the great lover of luxury, an Earth sign ruled by Venus they are all about the sensual pleasures the Earth plane has to offer. They love naps, cozy couches, and fuzzy blankets. They love luxury in all its forms and giving up that sense of comfort can be a real challenge for them. Growth can be moved to the back burner in preference of stability. Which is all well and good but relationships(and life) don't often operate in a bubble.
Stagnant energy can suffocate change and pretending something is fine, doesn't mean it actually is. Learning to embrace change outside of their comfort zone, is pure magic.
The Work
Nothing feels better to a grounded Taurus than a cozy comfort zone. Whether it's a home base, a familiar friend group or a long lasting partnership they are happy to stay right where they are thank you very much. Unfortunately, change and growth does not often happen in our comfort zones. Learning how to not only allow but welcome and embrace change is huge for them. One of their gifts is stability. They can learn how to access that even amidst chaos. Once they get comfortable with that concept and master that practice, change often loses it's fear factor for them.
They are able to create a sense of home and comfort in their friendships and relationships that feels welcoming and safe. It is one of their greatest gifts. They can create relationships that feel like a safe harbor for their partner and that my friends, is a beautiful thing.
They just need to keep in mind that sometimes a spring cleaning is needed. It's ok to get rid of things that no longer serve to make room for new things that do.
Another struggle they face, is that they are not considered the sign of the bull for nothing! When this earth sign digs its heels in, it's going nowhere. Which is an unfortunate stance to take, especially if they are wrong. Shutting down completely is a great way to shut off communciation and ensure a standoff where nobody wins. Learning how to hold space for multiple points of view and communication can help find a solution that benefits everyone.
Yet the fact Taurus knows how to put their foot down, is actually a very positive thing when holding boundaries. So standing for what is truly important to them as an individual and within a relationship is a great way to use their powers of stubborn persuasion for good.
🚩Flaky/Fast Moving
🚩Two Faced
🚩Overthinker
🏁 Vivacious
🏁Multi Faceted
🏁Examiner of All Possibilities
Gemini:
Gemini is the Mercury ruled air sign that never sleeps. Always on the move pursuing new ideas, places and sometimes people. They can change their minds at a moment's notice and switch opinions at the drop of a dime. So keeping up with them can be a bit of a challenge, in fact, in a relationship setting, few signs are up to the task. A lot of Gemini's work is holding multiple perspectives and viewpoints without acting on impulse. Allowing the information to seep in and process so they can create a positive decision for their lives.
The Work
Gemini's attention flows where the breeze of their interest blows. They can jump from one thing to another and even one person to another, depending on what interests them that day. That means they can be perceived as "flaky", often cancelling or forgetting about plans or even people! They can be the ultimate relationship jumpers, being very excited about someone one day and completely losing interest the next. What can they say, it's just how they roll.
In fact, their fast moving nature is part of their charm. They are fun, flirty and gregarious, finding a love of life and interest in a variety of things.
Part of this is power is learning to surround themselves with people who enjoy these qualities. If they find people who hold their interest, their desire to roam can actually lessen as far as relationships. They also can begin to include people in their pursuits instead of leaving them behind.
The "Gemini flip" is notorious(especially in the dating community. They can change their mind on a dime. Yet that is part of their multi faceted, multi dimensional nature. They can see things from all sides, the work is learning how to hold space for all of that without acting impulsively on it. To avoid the "Gemini spin" of overthinking, they simply have to hold their center, understanding all thoughts do not require immediate action.
🚩Codependent
🚩Clingy
🚩Emotional
🏁 Considerate
🏁 Nurturing
🏁Empathic
Cancer:
Cancer is a water sign that often represents the archetype of the mother. Nurturing and kind they can be considerate to a fault, often finding it difficult to hold independence or a sense of self in relationships. Yet if you are looking to create a sense of love, comfort, home and family, a Cancer sign is your person. Once they learn to give themselves the same sense of caring and consideration they so readily give others, they see their lives and loves begin to blossom.
The Work
Is it Cancer's fault that they love someone so much they completely absorb, depend and identify by them? Yes. Yes it is. That is where most of Cancer's work lives. Think of it like an over involved mother, there has to be a line somewhere or the other person begins to feel suffocated and depended upon. Not a good look. Yet on the flip side of that what makes a good mother? Caring and consideration. Which Cancer has in spades. They just have to be sure that they focus some of that energy on themselves, they deserve it too.
The same can be said of their nurturing. When they heap all of that attentive, caring energy on themselves and their own lives, they truly see the magic happen.
That also helps them ward off the "walking wounded" archetype they often draw in. You know, the people who are fine taking without giving in return. If a Cancer has arranged their life just so, they won't take kindly to someone coming in and messing it up or sucking them energetically dry. They also won't depend on others so much to fill their cup, they can do it themselves.
Cancer's as a water sign tend to wade well in the world of emotions. They just have to be cautious they don't stay there. They are the ones who will bore their friends to tears rehashing something hurtful a partner said 5 years ago. Or will elongate arguments with their partner by doing the same thing.
Learning to let go of the past, take the lessons and move on is big for them. Yet all that emotional energy makes them highly empathic, they are great at anticipating a partner's needs and relating to their feelings. They can create a lovely sense of home and family by using that superpower.
🚩Egoic
🚩Attention Monger
🚩Demanding
🏁Self Assured
🏁Confident
🏁In Authority
Leo:
Oh great Leo, lover of the spotlight! Leo's are large and in charge and while that can launch them high in their careers, being the solo act doesn't always work well in a relationship setting. "My way or the highway" is tough when there is more than one person's opinion on the table, and more than one person's well being at stake. Learning to share the spotlight is one of Leo's greatest challenges but one they can easily master with the right mindset.
The Work
We get it, Leo's are pretty awesome but does it have to be all about them? They say yes, we say--sometimes. Leo's can have a high level of confidence that can present as ego, or attention hogging if they are not in control of it. Being the center of attention because of a skill or passion is great, being the center of attention for attentions' sake can actually point to the opposite. It can point to a deep seated insecurity, a fear of what not being in the spotlight will bring, and what people would actually think of them if they weren't surrounded by accomplishments and accolades.
Not only is that a dangerous way to live, but it can affect their partner too. If that need to be seen rubs off in their relationships it can come across as pushing a partner to perfection, or needing for the relationship to appear perfect, even if it isn't.
For Leo's finding the meaning of true success and self worth can help alleviate some of these wounded ego symptoms, allowing them to make space in their lives and spotlight for others, especially their partner. It allows the pressure valve of perfection to release and lets everyone show up just as they are. Which is pretty perfect in my opinion.
🚩Rule Follower
🚩Rigid
🚩Bossy
🏁 Fair
🏁Disciplined
🏁 Caring
Virgo:
Virgo's just want to get it right--and they want you to get it right too. If you can't get it right on your own then they will just do it for you. And then complain about how they have to do everything.
Yes the earth sign of Virgo is not always the easiest sign in the Zodiac to please, yet they are one of the more succesful signs, for this same reason. It's a heavy cross to bear, to be the only one who seems to know how everything needs to be done. Yet here's the catch, their way isn't the only way, and it's not even necessarily the right way. Woah. I know. Stand back because they might blow. But truly, if a Virgo can begin to incorporate other people's viewpoints and measures of success into their worldview, the pressure eases and their life and relationships seem to open up.
The Work
Virgo's may be close adherents to the rules and regulations but that's only because they like things just so. They enjoy things to be regulated and fair, rules usually ensure that happens. That's why they make excellent lawyers and can make excellent partners. They are very loyal and generally strive to adhere to rules of relationships and commitments. They want everyone to get their fair share in the relationship which can include time, money and even housework.
They may stick to schedules, which can have them called rigid, but that is actually part of their power of manifestation. It is like someone who is dedicated to going to the gym, or studying for a course. They are usually the most in shape and get the highest grade in the class. Daily actions lead to long term success and Virgo's understand that in spades.
That is another practice they put into effect in relationships-- sure the daily details might not be exciting or what one would consider romantic, but they are often the secret to long term success. Yet, there can be too much of a good thing. Virgo's need to leave space for the unknown, the spontaneous and the emotional. Love is not always logical and romance is known to break barriers. So learning to stay strong where it counts but loosen the reins where it doesn't, ensures their relationships don't turn into business partnerships.
They boss because they care. Yes they may be bossy, maybe even demanding but it is because they can see the best and potential in everyone. They are extremely dedicated and loyal long term partners.
Yet they have to remember everyone defines success differently, everyone values different things. Just because a Virgo knows the fastest way to get somewhere doesn't mean its the "best" or "only" way. Some people might prefer a longer route with better views. Also when they are feeling the need to control others, it can often point to aspects of their own lives that need examining.
🚩Avoidant
🚩Indecisive
🚩Doormat
🏁Peacemaker
🏁Informed
🏁Balanced
Libra:
The Libra lovechild's are certainly lovers not fighters. If it was up to them all would be well, quiet and peaceful. Yet unfortunately for them, chaos, conflict and disorder sometimes rule the day on this planet of ours. Unlike their fiery Zodiac cousin Aries, they much prefer to keep things nice and calm. So when conflict arises in relationships, they are often found sidestepping the drama as much as possible.
Which is a shame because equitible distribution is a talent of theirs. When they put their powers to good use, they can make excellent lawyers for this reason. They thrive on fairness and justice and thankfully that often spills over into their relationships. Yet understanding the secret to true peace is one of their biggest life lessons.
The Work
Peace at any price is not real peace. That in a nutshell can sum up most of the Libra's work. As the sign of the scales they are very interested in achieving balance, but unfortunately, especially in relationships, they can begin by getting someone else into balance and then arranging themselves around that. They can avoid conflicts by putting their own needs last or agreeing to things simply for the sake of avoiding an argument. Yet that dear friends, is not real peace or true balance. It can cause them to feel like doormats which can later lead to blowups or breakdowns.
The sign of relationships they can also put the needs of a relationship above their own individual ones, which again is a recipe for disaster in the long run. Finding their own balance and sense of self first and then weighing the relationship or a partner's needs accordingly around those, can help them find the peace they so desparately seek.
Their ability to soothe wounds and calm conflict is one of their pieces of magic and can help them avoid the unnecessary conflict and drama in relationships that can cause problems. Friends and family often turn to them to find fairness in an argument, and in true King Soloman form they can assist. It's a gift. Just one they need to be sure to use in their own lives accordingly. Constantly weighing the scales of justice may make them seem indecisive and not wanting to initially "take sides" but again finding the true sense of fairness involves taking everyones point of view into consideration. If they can find peace within, a calm space to weigh their options, they are usually able to achieve that in the external as well.
🚩Vengeful
🚩Jealous
🚩Intense
🏁 Loyal
🏁 Committed
🏁Intense
Scorpio
Scorpio, the sign of the scorpion, is known for its intensity. As a Scorpio moon I see no problem here. So what we want to suck your soul and make you sign a blood oath to be with us for all eternity? I don't see why that's a "fault" or why some people find that "too much." Just kidding. We can be a lot.
But that's also part of a Scorpio's superpower. That intensity is what allows them to wade deep into the depths of emotion, the subconscious and the shadow. All the places our deepest fears and insecurities lie, is where Scorpio finds its playground. That being said, that vibe is not for everyone. Especially the whole revenge plots and jealousy tantrums, not a good look. Yet there are plenty of ways Scorpio can turn those traits into triumphs.
The Work
Love us, hate us, just don't ignore us. Scorpio loves the shadows but hates the corners of other people's affections. Betrayal can also bring out some of Scorpio's darker qualities and stinger laced nature. Yet behind all of those revenge plots lies true loyalty. They are so hurt by betrayal because they themselves are so unendingly loyal. Scorpios make passionate, dedicated partners, willing to stick around through thick or thin. They are the stuff romance novels are made of, and occasionally horror ones too.
The kyrptonite to Scorpio's vengeful nature is forgiveness. Learning forgivness is a huge lesson for them. Also recognizing that they have special requirements of a relationship that some signs just won't fit.
Their intense nature can be a lot for some of the more earth elemented or intellectual signs, and even other water signs can find them a bit turbulent. The key for them is really finding the right fit, learning coping mechanisms for high octane emotions and learning to trust and forgive, even if that doesn't mean including someone back in their life.
Brevity is another quality Scorpio's can use--recognizing everything doesn't have to be so hard, or heavy and there are gray areas in life and relationships. It doesn't always have to be ride or die, black or white, or you are with me or or against me vibe.
🚩Flaky
🚩Irresponsible
🚩Flighty
🏁 Passion Driven
🏁Heart Oriented
🏁Born Traveller
Sagittarius
Sagittarius is the definition of a free spirit. All about expansion, growth and exploring new concepts, people places and things. Although they are a fire sign they often hold a close relationship with nature and are far more bound by its cyclical nature than the modern man's concept of time. Which can be a bit of a struggle in highly structured scenarios or relationship constraints.
Their passion driven nature can give them the bad rep of being flaky or flighty, but they simply march to the beat of their own heart. Besides, as they are ruled by Jupiter the sign of luck and good fortune, we can't help but love them and their generally happy go lucky nature.
The Work
The sweet and spicy Sag can get a bad rep in the dating community. They can go by the way of the feisty Gemini and gain the reputation of being "flighty" or even "flaky." Yet the fast moving and fiery, Sag moves through the world led by their passions. It's an honorable pursuit, unfortunately their passions can change quite often which can leave behind people, places, jobs and other fixtures of their world. They can struggle with long term commitment, simply because their passions and pursuits can change. One week they can find themselves at a yoga retreat in Bali, the next in a business meeting in Washington D.C. They like to travel and expand their horizons, their heartbeat is all about elevation and expansion.
Yet these pursuits of the heart sometimes do not bend to the constructs of time. They are notoriously late if they bother to show up at all. Yet some of their work is understanding while expansion is a worthy pursuit, sometimes they need to keep one foot in stability.
Leaving behind too many things can hurt their pursuit of future goals and can cost them friends, relationships, apartments and jobs. Learning how to keep one foot on the ground, communicate their needs effectively, and be sure they are leaving situations gracefully, can all help them move through the world at a more sustainable rate.
*Tip They also have the tendency of being a bit stubborn and fiery when their behvior is addressed, so using the reasoning of "that's the rule" or "because I said so" probably won't work for them. Yet explaining to a Sagittarius how their behavior affects others, is a more useful way to get their attention. Explaining that their late arrival to a dinner party caused the host to keep reheating food, pay their babysitter for staying late, and push them past their bedtime, might get a Sag to understand why punctuality might be in everyone's best interest.
🚩Judgemental
🚩Harsh/Cold
🚩Demanding
🏁High Standards
🏁Lesson Oriented
🏁Hard Working
Capricorn
Capricorn is an earth sign ruled by the planet of lessons, Saturn and I'll be honest--I have heard more than one Capricorn labeled "The Ice Queen." I'm sorry, I'm sorry but it's true, I've heard it tossed around on more than one occasion. Poor Capricorn, you're just so misunderstdood! Must you be persecuted for your drive for perfection? You just want people to succeed! Sigh I know. Yet here are some ways you can loosen the reigns without lowering your standards.
The Work
Capricorn's drive to succeed is like no other. One of the hardest workers in the Zodiac they are likely to hustle until they drop. Yet all of that drive can backfire if they don't stop along the way to smell the roses, to take notice of the things that are truly imporant in their life. They are likely to hit retirement and look around and realize their relationships are in shambles and they have no idea who they are outside of their jobs! Yikes! So to avoid this unfortane fate, they simply have to tune in a little to the now.
Capricorn's really zero in on the lessons of experiences, they are Saturn ruled, they can't help it! Yet emotions hold information as well, so while it is good to find the lessons hidden in experiences, it's also important to hold space for the emotions around them.
Tuning into their own emotions is a big part of their life work too. Relationships do not thrive under harsh criticism and romance isnt' accomplished by a to do list.
Take time off from the rat race to really tune into your own emotional experience, dear Capricorn and find the value in that aspect of humanity as well. Also allow others to have their own emotional experience, it isn't yours to dictate or control. Your magic is helping dig out the lessons but be sure to do so at others' pace as well.
Capricorn's truly do want the best for themselves and others. Their drive is success for not just them but everyone around them. If they come off demanding or bossy it is because they care. If they come off judgemental it is only a reflection of the harsh standards they hold themselves to. A little compassion for a Capricorn can go a long way, learning not to judge others(or themselves) and forgiveness are two big items on their human experience Bingo card.
🚩Avoidant
🚩Unfeeling
🚩Analytical
🏁Drama Free
🏁Logical
🏁Innovative
Aquarius
Talk about marching to it's own drummer, Aquarius marches to it's own band, that sings in code, in a foreign language invented in space, playing on instruments made by an Aquarius. Basically, they do things a little bit differently. They are an air sign that is exceptional at creating new concepts, spreading information and innovating whole new systems. Although all of that airy logic and intelligence doesn't always translate into emotions or intimate relationships. Think of Albert Einstein, a genius--yes; a Casanova--no. Aquarius are incredibly intelligent if not a little off the beaten path.
The Work
Hi, here on earth we have social constructs, and one of those is intimate partnerships. That means they deserve at least a little of your attention. It's easy for Aquarius to get so caught up in their work or mission that they forget that partnerships are often part of that. Due to their airy logic they can come across as unfeeling or anaylytical. Yet their sense of innovation is something they can also use in thier relationsihps. They can find solutions to obstacles that others may not even see. They are true visionaries that can find paths and systems where others only see blocks. Basically when they put their mind to it, they are most likely going to be successful. When they put all that logic and innovation towards a succesful relationship then boom- they usually have one.
They can tend heavily toward avoidance, not wanting to face issues head on and certainly not interested in conflict. Yet conflict is part of relationships, and life. Ignoring emotions especially in others does not make them go away and ignoring problems usually only makes them bigger.
Learning to develop emotional depth and conflict skills are a huge part of Aquarius life lessons. Yet their avoidance usually makes them refreshingly drama free, until something that's been shoved down bubbles up of course. But if they can learn to address things before they get to that point, they can have a much smoother ride in life and love.
They are usually just incredibly focused on what they do, but learning to connect with themselves, and the important people in their life, will make their lives richer, more balanced and more fulfilling overall.
🚩Unrealistic
🚩Spacy
🚩Overly Sensitive
🏁 Visionary
🏁Dreamer
🏁 Highly Intuitive
Pisces
Pisces, the mysterious and deep water sign, is the sign symbolizing the psychic. They are incredible intuititive, empathic and sensitive to the energetics of others and environments. They are often called unrealistic yet they are the visionaries of the Zodiac, they can see opportunities before others can even conceptualize their existence.
Their dream worlds are far more interesting than the banal existance of the day to day, so who can blame them for wanting to stay in them? Yet that can often lead to avoidance, and an inability to materialize things in the physical realm. Learning how to utilize their gifts in order to be succesful on the earth plane is a big life lesson for them.
The Work
It's not easy holding the world's vision in your mind's eye, it can be a lonely pursuit to convince others of something you see that they can't even conceptualize. Yet understanding how the Pisces mind works is the key to unlocking its gifts.
Think of Pisces as the ultimate artist. An artist sees the vision for what they want to paint all in their mind before they even pick up a brush. Then they work to bring it to life in the physical. Yet if they tried to explain what was in their mind's eye to someone before they painted it, the person most likelywould not understand. That's how Pisces live day in and day out. Therefore they often come across as unrealistic or dreamy. Yet they are true visionaries, sometimes they just have to get better about the mundane details of physical manifestation.
For example, while paying a mortgage or creating a savings plan can be the stuff of snooze city, to accompllish the dream of a home and a comfortable life, those things need attention. Learning how to work with the mundane details and combine them with their dreams is a lot of Pisces work in the world.
Finding a partner that can be supportive of that, is essential to their success. They can often be overly trusting of others, despite being highly intuitive they generally want to see the best in humanity, or its ultimate potential, even if the other person isn't bothering to access it. They can get into additctive or escapist behaviors, and find themselves in codependent relationships.
Learning to "row their own canoe" so to speak in the physical realm, can help them avoid these pitfalls. Becoming independent and learning how to ritualize or give importance to the banal behaviors like paying bills, updating their license, etc. can help them not only survive in the physical world but thrive here too. It can actually help them manifest more of their big dreams. Also using their intuition to truly see others as they are now, not their ultimate potential can help them stay out of toxic relationships or addictions.
To Sum It All Up...
We all have our work cut out for us.
Thankfully, we all have amazing strengths and gifts to help us do that!
More often than not a simple mindset shift or slight behavior modification can do the trick. Even a small change or step towards our goal can radically shift our relationships.
So what do you say? Shall we get to work?
